Thanks for all those things, that you've once did for me.
The gifts, the treat, the services you gave(send me home,etc)

Don't do thing that you will regret.
If you done it, then don't regret.
If you were to regret , than don't do it

Altho we have broken up,but we are friends,
just the usual as, friend + buddy!(:

Kind of regret for meeting him today!
I really really misses him alot, so ya lo,
decided to meet and accompany him for dinner/supper.
I know
I KNOW if I meet him,
I will definitely super can't bear to see him go home =.="
thus I rejected him yesterday for lunch.
sigh, but don't know why today I accompanied him /=
The journey back to my house was so quiet
doesn't seems like the usual us.
I don't know what to say to him either.

He sent me to my lift, I wanted to hug him so badly,
but I paused for a moment, and took the lift up.
Even when I'm in the lift,
I just feel like pressing Level One, and go to the carpark to look for HIM!
just to hug him but...........................
well oh well,
I hesitated :(

Actually,
we been saying about whether to patch back or not.
I kind of very fickle minded.
I don't know what the hell I want
I feel like killing myself=.=
YES!
I do want him,
BUT!
I'm afraid of so many things
such as
If I were to accept him again,
will our relationships still be the same?
will he break my heart again?
will he do the same thing again?
will I still able to trust him, love him?
will I still able to maintain our love in this relationship?
Can he actually gave me the assurance in everything?
A once so easily gave up relationship.

For those people who may know me,may think that I'm a very noisy person.
BUT actually, I'm very shy, very quiet to those that don't know me.
I really don't like to talk to stranger, it just so not me.
I tried to speak up, but I gave up because I really can't do it.
BUT!
sigh!
I know I always go your house have been very quiet.
I am also very akward, you just don't know how I feel.
however,
sometimes you will tell me,
your brother gf , is more socialable , go your house will talk to your family members.
your ex gf is bubbly kind, very sociable with your family members too.
have you ever wonder,
how much all this doesn't seems "fierce" words
had actually hurts me?
even just now when you were to say your brother gf interact more with your family, will ask question and so forth.
This actually causes pains to me, all the hurtings.
To me, is just like some sort of indirectly pressurizing me.
I have NEVER tell you before, because I'm afraid to,

I'm a very very very very DUPER ULTRA sensitive + insecure + low self esteem person.
I always feel that people dislike me, hate me, talk behind my back, I'm ugly, I'm fat, seems as tho the whole world is turning against me and so forth.
&& ya, people do tell me off infront of my face that I'm ugly ever since I'm 5 years old.
and this have build up inside my heart but, I still live happily.
Whenever people say I'm cute or I'm ugly, I will ignore the person.
Because if he/she say I'm cute, deep down I know I'm ugly.
Because if he/she say I'm ugly, I already know I am.

I'm afraid people leaves me. Oh well, people come && people go. It depends on how much the person will stay with you.
&& because of all this little little things that causes me so depressed at times.
but no one ever knows~
I get mood swings easily.
my thoughts always run wild, which causes me into much troubles.

such a relief to be able to say everything out on my blog.
*sigh of relieves*

I really really don't know whether to be with him or no.
The questions I've state, the pressurizing, and others things that I wrote.
I really kept me wonder.
I'm afraid, I will just hurt 2 hearts, instead of just 1.
whenever I feel like to be with him,
&& when I thoughts of the pressure,
I held back.
#sigh

Been dreaming of him every single day, ever since we broke off.

missing you alot, yet held back my answer everytime.
Can you give me the promises && assurance?
perhaps, if you have an answer, then let me know......

When a smiley girl is not smiling anymore~!
Finally,we've talks things out after 2 years ++.
&& yup, it's the end of our relationship after 21months.
True enough, we've been through so much together,
&& kind of sad to have part our ways.
So what if both of us still in love with each others?
There's still this wall in front,blocking our ways to get to each other.

People may say,
things could have changed few years down the road.
Well, I somehow believe it!
Things does change,human changes too.

It's the start of December,
I shouldn't be sad anymore
but I just couldn't, you see.
Been tearing for the whole month of Novemeber
ever since we've brought up this issues.
Every now and then I just feel like meeting you,hugging you.
BUT well oh well,
things gonna changed from today on.
I must be back to the independent me.
There's isn't you anymore

It really sadden me to see how fragile our relationship is.
Just because of a religion, can just simply tears us apart.
I've already given my ways, but yet, you still stand firm on your views.
At start I may have stand as firm as you, but then I've changed it...
but you............ still standing firms.
There's nothing more I could do.
YES!
I promise to go cell and service with you
but it doesn't mean that it's a reason for you to HOPE that one day I'll be a christian.
you told me that you wouldn't force me but THEN again,
you said you will want to marry a Christian,
and eventually, waited for me to be a Christian.
Doesn't it seems to be forcing me indirectly?!
kind of regrets telling you the Christian thingy yesterday..... 
I already told you right from the start that, I will never be a Christian
I really hope you could have wake up your mindset!!
It's my own will of my beliefs.
You can't stop me!!!
It make no sense that
I want to be with you so I convert to a Christian..
It's EXTREMELY RIDICULOUS, don't you think so too?!
It doesn't mean that a Non-believer, is a jerk,etc
It doesn't mean that being with a NON-believer,is a SIN or a Satan or whatsoever.
I also doesn't mean that being with a NON-believer, will break your heart,tear you down, kill yo,etc
It just about you and your mindset
&& the fear in you because of your childhood memories.

Isn't it somehow feel the same when u have the fear to even fall in love again
after you broke off with your first girlfriend?
Who bring you the confidence back?
Who pull you through?
Who held you up and assure you things gonna be different?
Do you even still remember what you told me?
Do you even still remember how you actually gain back the confident in yourself again and told me something?

SEE!
If others can maintain a long distance relationship so well,
then why can't we?
perhaps! it's really like what you say, our relationship is fragile~!


There's something I just don't understand.
Since at the first place, you already know you only want a Christian girlfriend
THEN why do you still choose me then?
JUST BECAUSE
1)I'm stupid enough to be with you?
2)You just don't want to feel alone?
3)You just want to play with someone?
4)You just want someone to be in the same situation as how you feel last time?
To lost the confident in a relationship?!
5) OR WHAT IS IT!? IS IT SO FUN TO PLAY ME!?
well,
I asked you this question before "since you know I'm not a christian at start, then why ask me to be your girlfriend?"
&& you told me, "what to do? I love you mah"
then I say, so now you don't love me lah?
and you say, no, you still love me...
if you still love me, then why things changes?
HEY! isn't it contradicting yourself!?
one moment say this, the next moment say that



Reminiscing.......
Do you still remember when was the first day we met, how the situation?
Do you still remember what was the first gift I gave you?
Do you still remember how we actually become so close?
Do you still remember how we actually are the bestest buddy?
Do you still remember how you used to listen to my sorrows?
Do you still remember how you cheer me up?
Do you still remember how you asked me to be your girlfriend?
Do you still remember the promises we made together?
Do you still remember why you love me that much, right from the start?
Do you remember the books that we wrote together, the books I gave you.
There 4 books in total
- How we met(which is your 21st birthday present)
- How our love journey begin Part 1
- Your NS life book
- How our love journey begin Part 2
DO YOU!?


It really sadden me that our relationship is really that Fragile.
I can't believe it!
You told me, yes, we been through a lot!
then,
I text you "thanks for letting me know how fragile our relationship is"
&& your reply is like yup...
what does it mean?!
you are saying that we have a fragile relationship too, despite going through so much.
SOOOOoooo meaning that for the past 21months , all are FAKE love?!
meaning that for the past 21months, it have already been nothing to you in a few days time!?

CAN YOU JUST TELL ME
WHAT ARE LOVE TO YOU!?

I know saying all this,already have no meaning to it anymore
BUT! I JUST WANT TO RELEASE THINGS FROM MY HEART~
I really really really do...............................................


Today perhaps the last day of meeting you
I also have no idea, when will the next time I will even be meeting you.
there's something I didn't told you just now

Going to dental is what I'm afraid of!
because I know there you will be there with me,
so yes, I agree to go..
This is the first time that I didn't feel anything when I go to dental.
Maybe you can say that
it's because of our relationship that affect me to not think about the dental thingy,
but about our relationship.
or you could also say that
maybe I'm more afraid of losing you then going to dental.
it's personal perspective I guess.

You've been my life mentor,
guiding me through my life and telling me what's wrong what's right.
teaching me the stuff that I don't know.
forcing me to be independent, forcing me to speak up (which I feel annoyed=.=)
going everywhere with me
I sincerely thanks you for that :')

This pain in my heart, is nothing that I can describe as.
NOT going to fall into another relationship so soon again!
NOT ANYMORE~
truly hurt && never will I find a Christian boyfriend anymore
:'(

Thanks for loving me
:')
perhaps, we are just meant to be parted!
wellohwell~

since you've already said that our relationship is so fragile,
then,there's actually nothing I could do.
Just like you always tell me,
if in a relationship,
one person have already given up,
there's no point of being together.
It takes 2 hands to clap.
since you stated that,
I'll respect your decision.

Hope you'll live better without me
&& have a wonderful & joyous years ahead~
All the best of luck
you will always be my bestest buddy,
like you have always does
<3 :') LASTLY,
I LOVE YOU

xoxo

我真的很想再大哭一场：‘（
Never felt so hurt before && the urge to cry every minutes, every seconds!
I just didn't realize actually the love I had for u , have fallen so deeply~